Ignoring Pain

Ignoring Pain

As a lifelong athlete and coach I have dealt with my fair share of toughing it out, pushing through, grinding it out, and being strong. While toughness is a good quality in many areas of life, it is not always the best to employ for extended amounts of time.  Pain is a sign that something is not quite right, it is an alarm to get the body to listen and respond. Athletes are not the only ones trained to ignore pain either. Many of us are deeply conditioned to ignore our emotional pain, but pain ignored always increases until it is either dealt with or brings death (of something).

Read More

Earning Love

Earning Love

It took me a long time to realize that I had a deep seeded belief that I earn the love given to me. 

It may sound silly to say out loud or write, but years ago I realized that I truly lived out of the belief that the level of my success and accomplishments equaled the amount I was able to be loved.  Good (and bad) thing for me that I was generally “successful” according to people's standards early in life. This is why it took me a while to realize.

Read More

Selfish with "MY" time

Selfish with "MY" time

Am I the only one who gets frustrated when I am interrupted or things don't go as planned? I don’t think I am alone in this, but we tend to get SO possessive of our time! But are we supposed to be possessive of "our time?” Is there such thing as “MY time?” Is feeling frustration or inconvenienced just selfishness and entitled to “my time” and “my schedule?" Here are some things I have been thinking through and learning in relation to how I choose to spend my most valuable commodity… time.

Read More

The Gift of Presence

The Gift of Presence

This is photo evidence of the one time that my son joined me on the bench during a game. It was the 10 Year Alumni Game this past February. As I look at it, I am reminded of the many lessons I have been learning and practicing myself this past water polo season as I continue to grow into a better leader, mother, and human. One of those challenging lessons is the practice of presence.

Read More

Helping by NOT Helping

Helping by NOT Helping

We have choices when it comes to helping someone achieve something difficult. We can do it for them, do it with them, or make them do it on their own. There are times that we need to step in and help in a big way, other times when a little encouragement is enough, and still other times when tough love and enduring consequences is the only way someone will really learn. But how do we know when to use what tactic?

Read More

Identity Crisis?

Identity Crisis?

There is a saying in the United States: “I wear a lot of different hats.” All this means is that “I do a lot of different things and have a variety of different responsibilities.” But aren’t we also told to wear a lot of different faces too? How are we supposed to navigate the different identities and responsibilities we have in this context? Do women and me both experience this? These are some of the questions I take on in today’s thoughts.

Read More

Truth Bombs

Truth Bombs

“The truth hurts” is a common phrase, and an accurate one too! But there are different types of “truth telling” and many different outcomes.

Sometimes we throw truth bombs at people, sometimes we drop them. But when we toss around truth like ammunition, we tend to endure a lot of shrapnel and  return fire. The next thing we know, there is a large distance between two enemy lines with huge holes in the earth, smoke rising, divided by a chasm of desolation

Read More

Bold Humility

Bold Humility

I once read a book that asked, “what would you do if you were 10 times more bold?” My initial thought was, “Wow, I would get in a lot of trouble!” You see, I am pretty assertive, and assertive people (with two X chromosomes) sometimes get in trouble in this society. Sometimes assertive people (male and female) are seen to lack gentleness, tact, understanding, or empathy. But if you ask an assertive person they would say they are honest, direct, and highly value getting the best result in a timely fashion. Interesting how we see the same actions in a different light...hmmm.

Read More

Life in the Pits and Peaks

Life in the Pits and Peaks

Jeff and I just co-taught and opened a marriage series at church yesterday. As part of the message we mentioned an aside about how we have been married for just about 12 years and celebrate 9 years of “marital bliss.” The first time I heard something like this was from my best friend’s mom. On her 30th wedding anniversary she said, “Yup! We are celebrating 25 years of marital bliss.”  At the time I was shocked. I was newly married and a thought that was so mean to joke about. So with a little nervous laughter I said, “What!? wait… That’s so sad!”

Read More

Black History Month in a Biracial Home

Black History Month in a Biracial Home

I got to admit, MLKJ day makes conversations interesting at my house with two five-year-old brothers with different skin tones. This is the first year the kids have initiated conversation and while they are necessary, the questions remain: how much do I divulge? What are they “ready” to understand?  How realistic do I depict things? How do I respond to their questions and comments?

Read More

Racism in the Airport

Racism in the Airport

I was recently traveling with my husband to a conference. Since we fly Southwest he has a habit of leaving me, the rule follower, at boarding time to see if he can board earlier than his boarding pass allows.  (It is like a game to him… insert my eye roll here.)  

Here I was, leaving California, joining the herd toward the boarding line. I made one of those little connections with the kind woman, close to my age, who was next to me. We both became fixated on the gymnastic competition displayed on the wall TV. Just then, an older white woman came up to us asking what numbers we were in the cue.

Read More