Empty

Does anyone else remember the old “This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs” egg frying example from high school? Or what about these side by side images?

I think there should be a comparison like this when it comes to leading because there are very obvious behaviors that demonstrate when a leader is healthy and when they are not.  When we lead out of our abundance, we are enjoyable to be around, we love people well and we generally enjoy our jobs too! But when we are empty, so is everything we say and do. .

“You can’t give what you don’t have.” This is a saying I am familiar with and even use frequently.  But to use it and to live it are two different things all together.

The other morning I was listening to a podcast and the final question the interviewer asked was, “What are you doing that is helping you lead strong these days?” I didn’t fully hear the response the person gave because I started tearing up- I was overwhelmed by the reality that I was not doing the basic things I know that help me lead with health- I am empty. In the past week I just finally admitted this obvious truth to myself. I am in the “early stages,” but I am sure it is noticeable. How you ask? One, I am exhausted even after good sleep. Two, I am generally (and easily) irritated and impatient.  And three, because both my husband and my assistant coach have told me directly (pretty obvious indicator) and that is just the short list!

The day before listening to the aforementioned podcast, I was talking to Jeff about this exhaustion.  He asked me what I was reading and what I was listening to. I defensively barked back about how I was too tired to listen to podcasts of read my usual content beyond my daily bible reading because my brain was too full of all the other things required of me.  Thankfully he didn’t let my response ruin the conversation so quickly. Instead, with love, he pointed out some obvious things and encouraged me to start reading books or listening to podcasts and sermons again. His point was that doing this would be filling my mind so that I have a well to draw from to pour out into all the things I am doing. I knew he was so obviously right. But there is not much worse than knowing someone is right when you don’t want to hear it- so I needed a hot second- but I did respond a little (not much) better after that. By the next afternoon I had listened to a sermon, two podcasts, and started an audio book.  Some of you might think that a little extra, but let me tell you, it not only let me breath for a second but filled my mind and heart with some things I was desperately missing. I am not suggesting that I will regularly listen to that many things in one day, but I know that from here on out I will make it a priority to fill my heart, mind, and soul with the basis that sustain me.

For me reading, working out, writing, meaningful conversations, and learning are all the basic things that fill my soul on a daily basis. If I am not doing those things I grow very weary. So in the few days since then, I have made it a priority to remind myself to do the things that will keep me going, the things that are important but not urgent, the things that fill my heart, soul, and mind

If I get to a point of emptiness, my leadership will be empty. Worse than that, so will my marriage, parenting, and friendships. I cannot give what I do not have. A car cannot move when it’s on empty, it only sputters and dies out.  I do not want to live on empty, and I don’t want you to either. So take a minute and think of what you can do today to refill for all the things you pour out for.