Ignoring Pain
/As a lifelong athlete and coach I have dealt with my fair share of toughing it out, pushing through, grinding it out, and being strong. While toughness is a good quality in many areas of life, it is not always the best to employ for extended amounts of time. Pain is a sign that something is not quite right, it is an alarm to get the body to listen and respond. Athletes are not the only ones trained to ignore pain either. Many of us are deeply conditioned to ignore our emotional pain, but pain ignored always increases until it is either dealt with or brings death (of something).
If I winced in pain every time I went to move my left arm, it would not take long before you thought I was a fool for not going to the doctor. Ignoring physical pain seems pointless. So why do we ignore our emotional pain so regularly and for so long?
Are we like the athletes who think that “Toughing it out” will give us a stronger reputation? Do we think it makes us look more successful, invincible, or even smarter? What is it that keeps us bound to hiding our pain?
In high school, I was a water polo player and my left shoulder started hurting. Per usual, I ignored it. I ignored it until I was literally swimming all of our swim sets with one arm. I could not lift my left arm above my chest line without pain, and I could not bring it around in circles at all. I could no longer live my daily life without major inconvenience. It was a slow progression, but a steady increase of inconvenience. When I could no longer do normal tasks without pain, my parents set an appointment with an Active Release Therapist.
I hear often that we won’t change until the pain of our current situation outweighs the pain of the change. I have not only seen that lived out, but I have lived that out myself as well. Pain ignored increases. Addiction kept in the dark consumes. Irritation and frustration unspoken shape into bitterness, resentment, and hate. Being guarded leads to isolation. Keeping secretes turns into complicated lying to those who are closest to us.
My ignoring of pain did not stop at the physical either. When my dad died, my 15-year old brain saw that everything and nothing changed all at once. I went back to school within 48 hours, and even though my dad worked there, it was business as usual with the exception of substitute in his class. Thus started the “I’m fine’s” and the constant pursuit of success for about 10 years.
There is a long standing saying, “If you don’t talk it out. You will act it out.” When we experience emotional pain and ignore it, we will start to act out anger, isolation, pity, addiction, self-harm, or a host of other behaviors. Emotional pain can even manifest itself into quite literal physical pain as well. Our body has a way of telling us when something is wrong- but all too often we wrongly choose ignoring it for the short term benefit.
Luckily for me, I had people around me in both my shoulder situation and in my dad’s death to keep offering help and pointing me toward healing. For obvious reasons, my shoulder was much more palpable to deal with than the deep pain of losing my dad, but both still took intentional focus and consistency. With my shoulder I had to do therapy throughout my playing career to keep from re-injury. With the loss of my dad, the recurring pain was and is unavoidable, but I have learned healthier ways of living. I sought therapy in my adult life for my grief, which was showing itself much more like anger, and I have learned much more beneficial ways of recognizing grief, feeling it and even finding gratitude for the time I did have my dad and the man he was.
Dealing with a root cause can change the pain. It is not instant healing, and recovery still hurts, but I like to ask which pain is beneficial?
Another thing to keep in mind in the healing process is that if we do not maintain our newfound routines, a pre-existing pain can rear it UGLY head when we neglect our continual “exercises” to keep it healthy. While I have become increasingly more aware of my inner pain, strength, and resilience over the years, I became much more lax about my “ancient” shoulder injury. After 10 years of intentionally working shoulder stability into my personal workouts (even in a limited way) I stopped doing it. Can you guess what started hurting again? For the past year or two I have been avoiding quite a few activities so that I do not re-injure my shoulder. Yet, as I write this blog, my left shoulder is radiating pain down to my elbow. Fear not- I finally have an appointment with a PT to get it checked out again (it only took a few years). But I take this physical pain as a reminder that emotional pain is even more nagging than a shoulder pain we ignore. It is big and ugly, and it impacts everyone around us far more than a shoulder injury because emotional pain changes our daily actions and choices.
I implore you- DO NOT CONTINUE TO LET YOUR PAIN GO IGNORED. Absolutely, bring your pain to Jesus! He says, “Come to Me, all who are burdened and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30, NASB). God wants our pain, surrender, and struggle. He does not ask us to “get it together” and then come to Him. He wants us in the middle of our weight.
But do not stop there- because Jesus is often still in the “secret place” of our hearts and lives.
Bring your pain or your situation into the light and in front of to WISE friends who have your LONG TERM best interest in mind. And when necessary, (which is probably more often than we give credit for) bring your pain to professionals. Let’s be honest- some of our baggage is so heavy we need someone who owns a forklift not a dolly. Go get a professional in your corner. We are not made to suffer alone. We are not made to be in isolation, but all too often we create our own cocoons of pain because we ignore our need and push others far enough away that they cannot see it enough to help. We are called to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6:2, ESV). We are created to be in relationships with other people. Pain is a sign that something is not right. I encourage you today to find a good friend and get to the root of it.
