What's in a Lament?
/A Lament is “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.” In both classical and modern culture they are often penned as poems or sung to melodies. However, true lament is felt in every fiber of our flesh, every expression of our emotion, and often communicated in incomprehensible utterances.
Years ago my husband walked into the hospital moments before our friend’s elementary age son was pronounced dead. From down the hall, the sound of a mother's true lament echoed off the cold, bare walls. The chill cutting disbelief, the roar of anger, the groan for justice, the wailing for all that was lost and what would never be rang out in a cacophony of sound that filled the room with a grief so dense your lungs had to fight to get the oxygen to your heart that was freshly broken.
There was nothing to be said at that moment- show up, listen, cry, pray, find an action of love, repeat.
After holding my friend as she wept for the loss of her beautiful son, I went home, I wept and cried out to God; I literally yelled at Him. I did not know it at the time, but I was practicing the faith filled act of lament. I called out on behalf of my friend and her family with my whole being. Biblically, a lament is a prayer that calls on God to deliver from distress, suffering, and pain.
I think much can be said and learned from my process that day. Show up, listen, cry, find an action of love, repeat.
Show up- this is the first thing we can do that matters. We do not have to have the right words, but presence is a gift for the present.
Listen- When we think we know what is bothering a person, we are often quick to give advice or fix the situation. However, I think listening fully may serve us more effectively when listening to the heart of the one that is carrying the biggest burden. Assumptions are dangerous, we all know what they do, so when we show up to pain, we must use all of our senses to get a scope of the situation and listen with curiosity and not judgment.
Cry - If we don’t get to this stage, I would assert that we don’t fully understand the depth of pain being experienced. The hot button word of the day is empathy, but empathy is SHARING the feeling for another, where sympathy is feeling pity that the event took place. Jesus calls us to “bear one another’s burdens and pray for one another so that you may be healed” (Gal 6:2). To bear a burden, we must place ourselves under the weight, not just cheer someone on from the sideline and tell them, “we support you,” “you got this.”
Pray- While some may disagree, I believe this step is the most important because it has the power to change everything. When I say “everything” I mean that there is both biblical and daily proof I have seen that prayer changes my heart, God’s mind, the heart of another, brings justice, gives clarity and guidance, and literally heals. Often I pray silently as I hold a weeping mother and save the outloud prayers for when the time is more appropriate. But by definition, this is Lament. This is where Heaven and Earth collide. Prayer brings heavenly action into the chaos, death, and destruction of our world. So what will we ask to be free and what we will ask to be bound?
Find an action of love- I have the belief that love is more than a feeling, it is an action. Sometimes this can look like bringing a meal, doing laundry, or taking care of immediate needs that are challenging for an individual. However, when the grief is on a larger scale, or impacting an entire community, our actions will need to fit the scale of the help needed. When we understand what showing up for a loved one looks like, we can transfer that understanding to showing up for a larger group. Afterall, as believers in Christ, we are all members of one body.
Throughout the bible there are examples of both personal and corporate laments. There are laments ranging from personal sin or loss to grief for national or international evil. On the cross, Jesus even called out a lament for mankind in the midst of his own suffering, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do.” A lament prayer is designed to persuade God to act on the sufferer's behalf. It is crazy to think that Jesus saw those who were killing him as the sufferers as he hung there, but He knew and knows eternity.
As a follower of Jesus, I do not think lamenting is only a practice of the Old Testament, I think it’s a very practical and necessary part of our lives today as a means to express both our personal faith in God, and our love for others.
To lament is to see a tragedy, open yourself up to feel it, then take every emotion it wells up inside of you to the feet of Jesus. To lament is to call out for change, to seek restoration, and to bring Heaven’s own power to Earth.
So let us consider the idea that our pain is a purposeful guide toward prayer and action. Lament is not only spiritual, as I said at the start of this, when we experience true lament, we do so with our whole being. We cannot give lamentation and remain the same. Our actions and heart will indeed change. So let us lament and call with HOPE on the one who has power to save, restore, and even destroy.
Learning is living and I like living, so I admit I will always be in process. Here is a little something I am learning this week.