The Gift of Presence

It has been a while since I have posted anything, but it is not for lack of ideas! I feel like this past season- the literal water polo season-  has been full of golden nuggets of insight, but much of what I was (and am) learning has to be lived out in practiced some before hitting the page.

Over a month ago I was driving into work.  It was in the middle of our conference play (the important part of season) with countless “end of the year” details needing to be planned, and a lot of fine tuning to work through. I also had my 24-year-olds son’s engagement party to help plan, and the normal mother-of-4 tasks to attend to. I started realizing that I was getting so busy with the tasks of life that I was having a harder time being present with the relational side of life.  I knew I had to change the perspective of my tasks. One simple change was to change my morning goal from “get the kids out the door on time,” to “love your kids well from wake up to school time.” The tasks did not change, but the purpose behind the task had to or else I would not be able to be the Mom I desired to be. When time is the focus, I would become a taskmastering, consequence-threatening, impatient person who would bark out orders. But when I change my focus to the person, I notice that my tone changes, my actions change, and even my heart rate changes.

But it is not just in getting the kids out of the house. I was constantly consumed with the tasks that were left undone when I had a moment to enjoy with anyone. I needed a practice in mindfulness to become more present where I am.

As I got on the freeway to head to work, I was hit with a profound image of the presence of God in my life and how He longs to walk with us.  I pictured that friend. The one I hope we all have. The one who can walk into our messy, chaotic house, while a kid is throwing a tantrum, and we don’t feel one ounce of judgment. The friend who you trust to parent your children if you don’t see something they do. The friend who you will fold laundry around and they just start folding right next to you because your relationship is based on trust, support, and care for one another without any pretense, judgment, or expectation. With this friend, we know that we can be in the middle of a meaningful conversation and neither person will be offended if we suddenly stop the conversation to parent our hurt or unruly children.  This friend may even help us with whatever chaos is going on, and then they will help us remember to pick up the conversation right where we left off (or somewhere close by). Sometimes we start seven conversations with this friend and only finish one of them before we have to part ways, but that doesn’t make a difference because it is the presence that matters.

As I pictured this friend I also pictured how we often, even with a friend like that, choose to reject the help, pretend like we have everything in order, and keep things superficial.  

God wants to be that friend and more to us. He is willing to stay by our side through the menial tasks of life because He can be in all places at all times. He is our “comforter” and “teacher” (John 14:26) when we need wisdom or guidance. He is our “ever present help in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1). He will give us what we need (Phil 14:9) even when what we need is some accountability or a reality check.  Because we know full well that the friend who will fold laundry with us also has ZERO problem telling us the hard truths in our life.

So now, when I am starting to lose my cool or treating my kids like tasks more than people, I have found that pausing and picturing God in the room I am in as a helpful tool.  It helps me to pause long enough to mentally and spiritually screen my response. If God is a trusted friend, who just heard and saw the whole situation, I can run my desired comment or reaction by Him like I would any other trusted friend.  That small pause has helped me at times to gain some self-awareness and choose to respond rather than react. Pausing allows me to ask, “What or who am I valuing? Is this true? Is this loving?”

Like I said, the things I have been learning need to be practiced more than written, because anyone can write this idea down, but few people can live it out.  As a coach, I know you have to practice the right technique day in and day out, self-correct, and practice more in order to be able to follow through in game time.  So, I am still practicing. I have a long way to go and a lot of self- correcting to do, but I don’t want to give up on the woman I want to become because it is hard or inconvenient. I am still far from perfect, but I now have a tool to work with each day.  Baby steps are still steps, and I am walking!

So here is to every attempt to be present with the people I am with. To not think of all the other things I have to be doing or could be doing. Here is to being where I am and making the most of it. If I am at work, let me love people well and do my job excellently. If I am at home, let me engage fully and be silly. Here is to pausing long enough to value the ones I am with.