What's in a Lament?

What's in a Lament?

A Lament is “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.” In both classical and modern culture they are often penned as poems or sung to melodies. However, true lament is felt in every fiber of our flesh, every expression of our emotion, and often communicated in incomprehensible utterances.


Years ago my husband walked into the hospital moments before our friend’s elementary age son was pronounced dead. From down the hall, the sound of a mother's true lament echoed off the cold, bare walls.

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Festering Wounds

Festering Wounds

There are many wounds- physical, emotional and spiritual- that fester, worsen, and spread if not dealt with appropriately.


A boil is a minor physical wound known to fester. In the technical sense, a boil is a painful infection of a hair follicle and the surrounding skin. It begins as a red lump, then fills with pus as white blood cells rush in to fight the infection (I asked Google). But even minor wounds ignored or inappropriately treated can have major consequences. The longer we go without proper treatment, the larger the risk for further damage. 

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Everest Size Problems

 Everest Size Problems

If we were in a climbing group up Everest together and I fell into a real icy crevasse, I hope you would not say, “serves her right,” or shrug it off with an, “She must have not taken the right precautions.” I hope you would approach the gap and see if I was OK, “Are you there? Are you breathing? Bleeding? Can you move?” All of these questions are much more helpful starting points. Would I have a chance to survive? Would you offer help? Through me a line? Would you climb down there with me attached to your safety harness in order to pull me out? Would you sit at the top and cheer me on and tell me I could do it if I just kept working hard enough? Would you expect me to get myself out since I fell in there all on my own?

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Human Training- a Coach and Mom Perspective

Human Training- a Coach and Mom Perspective

The other day the boys and I were driving home from “chalking” a friend’s house. With everyone “safer at home” these days, we can’t play with our friends, but we can show them some love. Anyway, one of my boys looks at me and out of nowhere says, “Mom, I know an option of what will make me whine less. If you just give me whatever I want, I would not need to whine anymore!”

“Interesting thought son” I said with a little chuckle “Well, if I give you EVERYTHING you want right now, you will basically be a horrible human later and probably won’t have any friends-- So I am willing to put up with some whining now so that way you are a good human later.”

And without hesitation, he responds ever so logically: “Well mom, I am just saying it IS an option.”

Who is this kid? I just have to laugh! “Yes, you’re right, it IS an option- but not one I am choosing.”

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Appreciating the Purpose and Shifting the Focus

Appreciating the Purpose and Shifting the Focus

I miss the women I coach today. We were just starting the main section of competition when college sports was shut down, Universities went to online platforms, and students went home. It all happened so fast. I love my job, and I am reminded yet again, just why I love it so much. As a coach, I get to see the daily process of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of people that impact their success of failure. Not only that, I get to help them define success, reframe difficulty, overcome challenges, and learn to thrive. I see the best and worst of my athletes, and they see the best and worst of me!

Sometimes I help people solve problems, and sometimes I “cause” problems- on purpose- but not in a malicious way. When I create obstacles, uphold standards, give test sets, and create competition I can see who is in a state to overcome and who is in a state to succumb…

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Picture Perfect

Picture Perfect

As a coach of college women, it is funny to see how much “getting the right photo” matters.  We have all seen a group of people taking and retaking the same photo because everyone has to look perfect. But I was a little surprised to find a study from 2015 that says that the average Millennial is estimated to take 27,000 selfies in his or her lifetime. I wonder how many of those are in the “retaking” category?

Our obsession with the perfect image, both physically and socially, have become increasingly dominating with the normalization of social media. But this year I had a pleasant surprise with one of my seniors, Mirea. During photo ops on our team retreat, she pulled out a Polaroid camera.

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Ignoring Pain

Ignoring Pain

As a lifelong athlete and coach I have dealt with my fair share of toughing it out, pushing through, grinding it out, and being strong. While toughness is a good quality in many areas of life, it is not always the best to employ for extended amounts of time.  Pain is a sign that something is not quite right, it is an alarm to get the body to listen and respond. Athletes are not the only ones trained to ignore pain either. Many of us are deeply conditioned to ignore our emotional pain, but pain ignored always increases until it is either dealt with or brings death (of something).

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Earning Love

Earning Love

It took me a long time to realize that I had a deep seeded belief that I earn the love given to me. 

It may sound silly to say out loud or write, but years ago I realized that I truly lived out of the belief that the level of my success and accomplishments equaled the amount I was able to be loved.  Good (and bad) thing for me that I was generally “successful” according to people's standards early in life. This is why it took me a while to realize.

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The Gift of Presence

The Gift of Presence

This is photo evidence of the one time that my son joined me on the bench during a game. It was the 10 Year Alumni Game this past February. As I look at it, I am reminded of the many lessons I have been learning and practicing myself this past water polo season as I continue to grow into a better leader, mother, and human. One of those challenging lessons is the practice of presence.

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Helping by NOT Helping

Helping by NOT Helping

We have choices when it comes to helping someone achieve something difficult. We can do it for them, do it with them, or make them do it on their own. There are times that we need to step in and help in a big way, other times when a little encouragement is enough, and still other times when tough love and enduring consequences is the only way someone will really learn. But how do we know when to use what tactic?

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Identity Crisis?

Identity Crisis?

There is a saying in the United States: “I wear a lot of different hats.” All this means is that “I do a lot of different things and have a variety of different responsibilities.” But aren’t we also told to wear a lot of different faces too? How are we supposed to navigate the different identities and responsibilities we have in this context? Do women and me both experience this? These are some of the questions I take on in today’s thoughts.

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Truth Bombs

Truth Bombs

“The truth hurts” is a common phrase, and an accurate one too! But there are different types of “truth telling” and many different outcomes.

Sometimes we throw truth bombs at people, sometimes we drop them. But when we toss around truth like ammunition, we tend to endure a lot of shrapnel and  return fire. The next thing we know, there is a large distance between two enemy lines with huge holes in the earth, smoke rising, divided by a chasm of desolation

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