Picture Perfect
/As a coach of college women, it is funny to see how much “getting the right photo” matters. We have all seen a group of people taking and retaking the same photo because everyone has to look perfect. But I was a little surprised to find a study from 2015 that says that the average Millennial is estimated to take 27,000 selfies in his or her lifetime. I wonder how many of those are in the “retaking” category?
Our obsession with the perfect image, both physically and socially, have become increasingly dominating with the normalization of social media. But this year I had a pleasant surprise with one of my seniors, Mirea. During photo ops on our team retreat, she pulled out a Polaroid camera. She didn’t ever take 20 repeat photos, she chose carefully her shots, waited patiently, and then snapped her photo. When people would freak out about thinking their eyes were closed or looked bad, they would laugh a bit together, but she would quickly respond with, “Imperfection is beauty Sis!” Another time I heard her say, “It's about capturing the moment as it is, not getting it perfect.” I loved it! And she meant it. When I asked her about her choice to go Polaroid this year she thoughtfully responded: “It’s like life! You do the best you can and wait to see how the process comes out. Sometimes it’s not what you expect, but it is still unique and beautiful.” We continued to share metaphoric comparisons between developing film and life, some were silly and others a bit deeper, but the two simple truths I loved the most were:
The most significant results require developing in the dark.
The imperfect and unexpected things of our lives often turn out to be the most meaningful to look back on.
Let’s look at truth #1. As a coach, my team learns way more from a loss than a win. There is not much motivation for change when things are “good enough.” I love the quote by Auther Burt that says, “Nothing Happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.” How true is that statement. In a culture that craves the perfect image and endless happiness, we don’t like pain, darkness, discomfort, or failure. But I believe that everything on that list is necessary for growth in our current human condition. Growth usually hurts, even kids have growing pains! But you know when bones grow the most? When we sleep! Especially during naturally dark hours. We may not like sleeping, we may think there are way better things to do, but rest, and darkness are as necessary to our growth as nutrition.
I think the same is true for our emotional, moral, and spiritual growth as well. We have to walk through some darkness and pain to develop steadfastness, humility, empathy, and so many other characteristics. . So let’s lean into the process of being developed, even if that means walking into the dark for a while. My only advice for entering the dark is do not go alone. Leaving a photo alone in the dark will actually damage its ability to develop. Isolating yourself will ensure that you remain stuck in the dark with no one to pull you out at the right time. Many people choose to stay in the dark, in victim mindsets, in shame, regret, or fear. Others may feel forced into the dark, held there against their will. My encouragement to both is to get someone who you can bring into the dark with you, share the real ugliness with them. Then and only then will someone be around to pull you out into the light. So yes, enter the darkness, but put Godly, bible believing, hope-filled friends around you to speak truth and pull you out not hold you hostage in the dark.
Now, for the second truth: The imperfect and unexpected things of our lives often turn out to be the most meaningful to look back on. Notice I did not say that they are the happiest to look back on. The unexpected and unplanned is often devastating in the moment, but as we mature and grow we can look back on those pivotal turning points and see a deeper meaning. It is not about being perfect, it is about embracing the process of growth that matters. Even when things don’t turn out the way WE want them, they can still be beautiful. I am reminded of the biblical life of Joseph who, after intense difficulty and grief brought on by others, says to those who wronged him, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people” (Gen 50:20, NLT). So regardless of if you are in a dark place, helping someone through a dark place, or standing in the light after darkness, have hope that “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil1:6, ESV).
They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. Some pictures can bring back details about the location, the day, or the people that are in it while other pictures instantaneously fill and overwhelm us with intense emotions that surpass the 1,000 word mark. I’ve noticed that it is more often the photos that catch candid raw moments of life that really get you: a friend’s or child’s authentic laugh, a tear-filled embrace after a victory, this photo to the right of my son and daughter-in-law just after he proposed, a picture you didn’t know anyone took during a moment of deep grief. The most moving and meaningful parts of our life are not the manufactured moments, they are the raw and honest glimpses of who we are. So let’s fight the lie of perfection that comes with the filtered world we live in, let’s embrace the polorid life and all the imperfections and smudges that come with it.
Let’s choose the polaroid present over filtered falsehood. Let’s walk into the darkness, hold hands with our circles of friends, walk each other through and develop well.
