Have you ever asked someone for input into a situation only to realize as soon as they start speaking that you have no desire to listen?

Maybe you have said, “I know” to the advice given to you, but when you look at the facts you are in fact NOT implementing whatever it is “you know” so well?

Just me?

I have, and still do, learn the hard way that my mind and heart posture need to be settled, curious, and open when I ask for specific feedback. Better yet, I have to get to that space FAST when I am given unsolicited feedback if I am going to do anything other than brush it off or be offended. When I am not curious and open my face, voice, and body give off huge “back off” vibes even if my words are not.

You may have a slightly different response than me, but I do not think I am alone when I say that it is hard not to feel attacked when given feedback, even when you know it is coming from someone with love. Admitting we are doing something in a way that is damaging or detrimental to yourself or others feels awful. So instead we defend, blame, excuse, laugh it off, minimize, or use any one of our million other well-developed coping mechanisms to lessen the bite of feedback.

Was that too honest? Yeah- it was for me too.

The truth is, growth hurts ALL the time, and then- only after the pain- it feels invigorating.

This morning I read Proverbs 13 and noticed that in verses 1, 10, 14,18, and 20 it says in several, not so gentle, ways: “take advice or suffer the consequences.” To be clear, this is talking about receiving advice from wise people. While everyone certainly does not qualify as wise, I cannot just label everyone who doesn’t see it my way “a fool” and surround myself with “yes-human’s,” that is not wise.

Not the best “feel good” morning read when just last night I was busy ignoring some accurately given advice from my husband because “I know what to do, I am just not motivated to do it, so you don’t have to tell me what to do! (even if I ask you to).”

So I am not perfect at taking advice, but I am better today than I was a year ago, and I want to be better a year from now too. So in the meantime, I reminded myself: be curious, stay settled, and be open to advice.

Dec 15, 2021

What I'm Learning

Learning is living and I like living, so I admit I will always be in process. Here is a little something I am learning this week.

Jul 17, 2020

Festering Wounds

There are many wounds- physical, emotional and spiritual- that fester, worsen, and spread if not dealt with appropriately.

A boil is a minor physical wound known to fester. In the technical sense, a boil is a painful infection of a hair follicle and the surrounding skin. It begins as a red lump, then fills with pus as white blood cells rush in to fight the infection (I asked Google). But even minor wounds ignored or inappropriately treated can have major consequences. The longer we go without proper treatment, the larger the risk for further damage.

May 6, 2020

Yelling at God

Have you ever had a yelling match with God? Has your pain, desperation, or anguish been so deep that the words either come out in choked sobbs or blood curdling screams? What was it for you? Was it the loss of a loved one? A tragic accident, a misarriage, or a betrayal? Was it watching someone you love suffer?

Apr 6, 2020

Human Training- a Coach and Mom Perspective

The other day the boys and I were driving home from “chalking” a friend’s house. With everyone “safer at home” these days, we can’t play with our friends, but we can show them some love. Anyway, one of my boys looks at me and out of nowhere says, “Mom, I know an option of what will make me whine less. If you just give me whatever I want, I would not need to whine anymore!”

“Interesting thought son” I said with a little chuckle “Well, if I give you EVERYTHING you want right now, you will basically be a horrible human later and probably won’t have any friends-- So I am willing to put up with some whining now so that way you are a good human later.”

And without hesitation, he responds ever so logically: “Well mom, I am just saying it IS an option.”

Who is this kid? I just have to laugh! “Yes, you’re right, it IS an option- but not one I am choosing.”

Mar 30, 2020

Appreciating the Purpose and Shifting the Focus

I miss the women I coach today. We were just starting the main section of competition when college sports was shut down, Universities went to online platforms, and students went home. It all happened so fast. I love my job, and I am reminded yet again, just why I love it so much. As a coach, I get to see the daily process of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of people that impact their success of failure. Not only that, I get to help them define success, reframe difficulty, overcome challenges, and learn to thrive. I see the best and worst of my athletes, and they see the best and worst of me!

Sometimes I help people solve problems, and sometimes I “cause” problems- on purpose- but not in a malicious way. When I create obstacles, uphold standards, give test sets, and create competition I can see who is in a state to overcome and who is in a state to succumb…

Mar 26, 2020

Social Distance- Emotional Closeness

I went to drop off a birthday present to my friend the other day and was like, “I’ll just drop it here and when I walk away you can pick it up.” Social distancing totally sucks!

But what is the silver lining and the learning?

Jan 24, 2020

What Defines a Life?

What defines a man or woman?

As we watch the response to the sudden death of Kobe Bryant, it gives everyone impacted by his life an opportunity to pause and think about what is really important and what truly defines us.

Feb 7, 2019

Black History Month in a Biracial Home

I got to admit, MLKJ day makes conversations interesting at my house with two five-year-old brothers with different skin tones. This is the first year the kids have initiated conversation and while they are necessary, the questions remain: how much do I divulge? What are they “ready” to understand? How realistic do I depict things? How do I respond to their questions and comments?

Dec 14, 2018

Dreams Deferred

Dreams deferred are never fun, they can weigh on us and even haunt us, but here is a story about how there can still be purpose and promise in the waiting.

Nov 23, 2018

Racism in the Airport

I was recently traveling with my husband to a conference. Since we fly Southwest he has a habit of leaving me, the rule follower, at boarding time to see if he can board earlier than his boarding pass allows. (It is like a game to him… insert my eye roll here.)

Here I was, leaving California, joining the herd toward the boarding line. I made one of those little connections with the kind woman, close to my age, who was next to me. We both became fixated on the gymnastic competition displayed on the wall TV. Just then, an older white woman came up to us asking what numbers we were in the cue.

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