Appreciating the Purpose and Shifting the Focus
/I miss the women I coach today. We were just starting the main section of competition when college sports was shut down, Universities went to online platforms, and students went home. It all happened so fast. I love my job, and I am reminded yet again, just why I love it so much. As a coach, I get to see the daily process of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of people that impact their success of failure. Not only that, I get to help them define success, reframe difficulty, overcome challenges, and learn to thrive. I see the best and worst of my athletes, and they see the best and worst of me!
Sometimes I help people solve problems, and sometimes I “cause” problems- on purpose- but not in a malicious way. When I create obstacles, uphold standards, give test sets, and create competition I can see who is in a state to overcome and who is in a state to succumb. In many ways I train and teach people how to cope with both success, failure, change, and unexpected circumstances. Today, I am so glad I have trained these women from the inside out to face the very real challenges of life through a sport they love. I didn’t always coach this way though.
I used to think coaching was about training excellence. And while to some extent, it is, the question remains, what area are we training excellence? Do we focus on physical or mental excellence most? It is easy for a coach to focus on the external result. In fact, the world of sport often has a “win/ lose” mentality. But the longer I coach, the more I come to believe that it is not what you do, but how you do it that matters most. Instead of “win/ lose” why not “grow?”
When we define success, what do we measure? Whatever we measure will reflect what mindset we are working from. What do we define as failure? Is “failing” the end or a turning point in the process? How well do we encourage vulnerability and failure in our companies or teams and in our daily “new normal” we are all facing? If we have a “win/lose” mindset, that is what Carol Dwek calls a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is one that says, “I am what I am and little or nothing can change that.” A growth mindset, on the other hand, says “I have done what I have done, so what can I do now?” This small shift in language shifts our identity from the result to our ability to choose actions in the present moment.
Shifting the focus of my coaching from the physical aspects to the mental aspects has radically changed the experience of the athletes who have played for me. The physical side of sport is like the necessary, ongoing paperwork of an administrator. But coaching the mental side of sport is much more like casting vision, creating strategies, structures, and cultures for the entire organization that promote and catalyze continued growth.
In this time where so many people are experiencing massive lifestyle changes and many increased stress, I highly suggest you investigate your personal mindset. It will not only change how you see yourself and the obstacles you face, but it will help you see and treat the people around you in all new ways too.
We can’t control so much of life, but we can control how we respond. So where do we need to redefine “success” today. Where have we failed? How do we want to respond differently when our kids jump into our Zoom meetings, or we can’t find what we need at the store? Are you doing well at framing and redefining what is really important? Are you just trying to “survive the day?” If you are just trying to survive, I beg you to reset your mindset and ask, “what can I do now that will make this situation better? What can I do today that can make a difference tomorrow (or in a month or year from now)?
I love coaching because it trains our heart, soul, mind, and strength. When done intentionally, sport needs very little modifying to impact the deeper issues of life and mental growth. However, I would also contend that when done intentionally, any business, family, or partnership can become a breeding ground for that same growth in mindset, teamwork, vulnerability and growth. I hope and pray in this time of quarantine that we are all able to look at each day with new eyes to see the areas where we can grow, have grace with ourselves WHEN we fail, and take one step forward each day as we navigate new challenges, obstacles and information.
